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Apr 16, 2011

Who is mad?




Anyone who has read R.D. Lang may think of madness in quite a different way than most view of it . Perhaps because he was aware that madness is a point of view and not necessarily a fact. Through some of his publications, we are shown that the mentally troubled family member is not necessarily the person with the actual problem - rather they are some kind of family scapegoat, albeit that they have sacrificed themselves in order to save other family members from themselves (their own madness).  This, I believe, can also be played out with helpers.

Having worked for many years in the realms of mental health, I feel certain that generally - the helpers and the helped are not necessarily separate. I am not saying that people with mental health problems don't really have them, nor am I proposing that the helpers do have mental health problems. What I refer to is the split between the two. Me okay, you not, kind of thing.

What is rarely looked at is how this split occurs and, how a person's mental health difficulties can be exacerbated by the projection of the helpers own difficulties. A cruder term may be "dump" - the helper can and sometimes does dump their own troubled minds into the very person they are trying to help.


The problem is that psychology and its theories, although useful and often when experienced, are correct, can become like a religion. Its as though there are a set of life truths which are not only undeniable, but are to be lived and worked by. If you have a psychological problem then, there is a religion that can not only name it, but also help it.


Of course I have seen many helped by the intervention of therapy and having worked in this field I have some idea of the outcomes. So in part, I do have "the faith" - but, it is not just the theories I refer to. I refer to the people who use them to help others. Some of those people are, in my opinion, as troubled as those they help. They walk the walk, and talk the talk but, are completely unaware of their own difficulties.

Its bizarre in a way because the focus is so much on "them" (the patient or client) that its easy to be in denial of one's own troubled mind. 


I will offer some examples at a later date but, for now I want to think only about the definition and diagnosis of troubled people. I am not thinking of a psychosis, rather I refer to depression/anxiety and so forth. I am thinking of how better some people feel about themselves if someone else is the anxious, the depressed, the unstable one and...how easy it is to project troubles onto or into those people.


It works in a similar way as when someone is doing a huge favour for someone else. The helped person is immediately put into the vulnerable position. So, for example, if someone is collecting someone else's children from school - it may be hard to criticise the helper and it may be that you would even accept criticism without argument because the helper is helping you...its too uncomfortable to do anything else. I guess some people would rebel against that and perhaps rather not have their kids picked up than be in the helped position - I only generalize.


There are people who thrive on other's hardships or troubles - not because they are unkind or would wish troubles on people - they thrive because by comparison, they are not (as) troubled and therefore are successful at living. Of course the human condition dictates that they too will be troubled - but not to the extent of it being so apparent as the depressive or the anxious person. Of course my first point applies I believe: the troubles can be projected onto and into the person who is acting there troubles out. (the depressed or anxious etc)


Love Jen

Jan 7, 2011

Hope

Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent.


Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Jan 6, 2011

Time n Stuff Revisisted

Happy New Year. 2011 already...where does time go? I mean it...do you actually know where time goes, and where future time is? Is it a series of still moments; moments our consciousness passes through? According to Julian Barbour it is.


I haven't met many people who have read Julian Barbours "The End of Time"...which is sad because its the one theory of time that fits with my own way of thinking and feeling. 


I was talking with someone who suffers from a paralysing fear of death. It got me thinking about life and death.... the way you do. We all fear the unknown and therefore death. Its incredible that we KNOW we will end, and yet cant really imagine not being here. Death seems to be what happens to other people.


On the one hand that's good because we can go on day to day not worrying. On the other hand if we could really, concretely grasp the idea that nothing, even us, is forever, we would make so much more of our moments. We would take more risks, climb more mountains, swim in deeper waters. We would not waste time, we would love more, hate less and savour everything good in our lives. We'd stop complaining about the small stuff, we'd not have arguments about the little things and we would connect to nature in an entirely different way.


I am learning to let go of the things that make me sad, and to enjoy the things that make me smile. It's not easy and its a learning process. I am getting there and its easy to slip back. 


I wonder sometimes if the me of yesterday, the me of 10, 20, 30, 40 years and more ago, is still back there somewhere in time. Is it really gone, is my young self now still and inanimate in a dark place? perhaps every moment continues to happen, over and over again. Its just that they are more like cartoons...they have no real life in them. We make them come to life.


I wrote a story about all of this a few years ago...I guess its a science fiction. But then rockets going to the moon were science fiction once. 


Well we are in a New Year and perhaps the old one is continuing somewhere in time. But, I am here in this moment, trying to make sense of it and trying not to rip through into the next moment, but rather let it just let it open up to me.



Love Jen

Nov 2, 2010

Two Wolves

I love this story - no-one seems to know where it originated from; only that its been around for a long time and is part of the Cherokee folk lore

Two Wolves



One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. 

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. 

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.” 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

                                                                             —Author unknown





Love Jen

No Blog Time?

Life happens. Plans go awry, emergencies arise and a day can get lost in the sea of time.


My past two weeks have been on hold. Week 1, my son was rushed to hospital with appendicitis. 48 hours after his appendectomy he was sent home. It should have been after 24 hours but they decided to keep him in one more day. He and his girlfriend + their dog came to stay with me for the week. I have a cat so there is a lot of work involved in keeping the dog and cat separate. 


After they left, I decided to catch up on all those things we SHOULD have done but fate had other plans for us all. My son was rushed back to hospital this week with a kidney stone. He was in such pain he had morphine. Bless him he did not complain as much as I would have...but I could see my boy was in bad pain.


He and Girlfriend once again came here...and the dog...so chaos reigns and the internet has been neglected.



Love Jen


Oct 8, 2010

Story Time

So I joined a creative writing group. Its fun and allows contact with other writers. Writing is a lonely occupation. One only has one's characters to talk to ha ha!

So we are working out how to proceed. One thing we will be doing is to be given a plot and then write for 15 minutes and read out a short story. Can you imagine all the crossing out and the mess of it without edits and time to play with it?

Anyway, at the last meeting we were given this criteria as homework:




Creative writing group:

Male name: Peter    
Female name: Mary
PlaceHastings
Setting: Café
Time of year: Winter
Time of day: 3PM
Weather: Raining:          
Words: 300

I took a shot at it and here it is...so hard to fit all that into 300 words:


The First Meeting


    Peter felt nervous about today. Everything was about to change and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it. What if, he thought, I’m a disappointment? Or, what if I’m the one left feeling disappointed? After all, he’d only seen a very old picture of Mary and apart from the letters; he had no idea what she was really like.

    He was glad he’d purchased that Sat Nav. He didn’t like driving at the best of times, let alone all the way to Hastings. His hands shook a little as he set out on the journey. At one point he thought about cancelling the whole thing. But once on the motorway his concentration went into driving and his anxiety settled.

   He arrived in Hasting around 2.30pm. He and Mary had arranged to meet at 3pm in the Café des Arts. Mary had picked the location. She had mentioned in her letters that she’s an artist and that she frequents this quaint, little, bohemian café regularly. She thought she would feel less nervous if they met somewhere familiar to her.

   After parking the car, Peter decided to walk for a while before the meeting. He was getting on a bit and his legs stiffened up after long drives. He was nervously looking around the tables in the Café, when from behind, someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was her, it was Mary. Instinctively they hugged, both of them crying unashamedly, there in front of everyone. Ever since that first letter from Mary he’d worried but now Peter knew it would be okay. Here, in Hastings, on a grey, rainy day, the daughter he’d never met was in his arms. 


279


Jen S copyrights 2010

Do you find the world confusing at times?

Things are constantly changing and moving. Sometimes I am not sure where I begin or end. Life is always a puzzle, the next moment a mystery. Nothing is certain for any of us. Some of us are able to live in the moment. I feel like a star sometimes, one that still twinkles even though it imploded long ago. Other times I am filled with hope of something...at those times I feel as though my life is breathing again. I have wings once more and can fly. 

I am not sure what my next step in life is or should be. Where am I going and what choices, if any lay ahead.

Time for me to write some stories. I have a few on the go.







Oct 1, 2010

The Road to Self

Its taken a lot of pain and heart searching to understand that life will not come and rescue me.


Intellectually, I have understood the concept that life is what you make of it. But...on an experiential level I have not really grasped that idea. I have put all my hopes and dreams out there, hoping that hope itself would bring contentment to me.


I now know that what I seek is more spiritual (not religious). My quest is to connect more with nature, life, and with myself. I have been far too busy looking outside. Time for me to turn inwards.


"Physis (or Phusis) is an ancient Greek word very rich in meaning. It is used to refer to life energy as it manifests in nature, in growth and healing as well as in all dimensions of creativity. Physician or physic (as in medicine) and Physics (as in Quantum and Chaos understandings of the world) are both derived from it.
It is used as a concept to concentrate some of the most significant qualities and aspirations of Prof. Clarkson’s work - in honour of everlasting change, unlearning as well as learning, living as well as dying well, bodysoul, the cycle as potent paradigm for human evolutionary processes, the individual and society, relationship and archetype, the importance of nature as teacher and inspiration, the drive towards complexity, quality and wholeness, the co-existence of contradictions. Whether in individuals, children, couples, groups, organisations or artistic work, the central and organising theme is simply to have life and to have it more abundantly.
In contemporary terms we experience ourselves as a global virtual community of enquiry and physis is another name for the complexity concept of auto-poiesis".
“Autopoiesis sees self-generated, self-constituting domains of activity and discourse, (explanatory domains) that are autonomous and incommensurable, each constructing its own self-referential differences and distinctions”.
I have taken this from "In Memory of Physis'" which is actually in memory of Prof Petruska Clarkson whom I had the pleasure of meeting and discussing "bystander" subjects as well as being invited to her colourful and wonderful home.


Love Jen

Aug 30, 2010

Short Stories

I love to write short stories. Had a few published in anthologies and won a couple of money prizes. For about 3 years now, I have just closed down and not bothered. Writers block brought about by stress.

Lately though Iv been thinking I might start writing again. I hope to find some other writers blogs to follow and be in touch with. So if any writers pass by, follow me so I can catch up with you.

Id love to set a challenge, or be part of one set by someone else. Challenge makes good practice. So if your passing through - drop a short story of no more that 100 words onto my blog via this entry.


Love Jen