Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent.
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Jan 7, 2011
Jan 6, 2011
Time n Stuff Revisisted
Happy New Year. 2011 already...where does time go? I mean it...do you actually know where time goes, and where future time is? Is it a series of still moments; moments our consciousness passes through? According to Julian Barbour it is.
I haven't met many people who have read Julian Barbours "The End of Time"...which is sad because its the one theory of time that fits with my own way of thinking and feeling.
I was talking with someone who suffers from a paralysing fear of death. It got me thinking about life and death.... the way you do. We all fear the unknown and therefore death. Its incredible that we KNOW we will end, and yet cant really imagine not being here. Death seems to be what happens to other people.
On the one hand that's good because we can go on day to day not worrying. On the other hand if we could really, concretely grasp the idea that nothing, even us, is forever, we would make so much more of our moments. We would take more risks, climb more mountains, swim in deeper waters. We would not waste time, we would love more, hate less and savour everything good in our lives. We'd stop complaining about the small stuff, we'd not have arguments about the little things and we would connect to nature in an entirely different way.
I am learning to let go of the things that make me sad, and to enjoy the things that make me smile. It's not easy and its a learning process. I am getting there and its easy to slip back.
I wonder sometimes if the me of yesterday, the me of 10, 20, 30, 40 years and more ago, is still back there somewhere in time. Is it really gone, is my young self now still and inanimate in a dark place? perhaps every moment continues to happen, over and over again. Its just that they are more like cartoons...they have no real life in them. We make them come to life.
I wrote a story about all of this a few years ago...I guess its a science fiction. But then rockets going to the moon were science fiction once.
Well we are in a New Year and perhaps the old one is continuing somewhere in time. But, I am here in this moment, trying to make sense of it and trying not to rip through into the next moment, but rather let it just let it open up to me.
I haven't met many people who have read Julian Barbours "The End of Time"...which is sad because its the one theory of time that fits with my own way of thinking and feeling.
I was talking with someone who suffers from a paralysing fear of death. It got me thinking about life and death.... the way you do. We all fear the unknown and therefore death. Its incredible that we KNOW we will end, and yet cant really imagine not being here. Death seems to be what happens to other people.
On the one hand that's good because we can go on day to day not worrying. On the other hand if we could really, concretely grasp the idea that nothing, even us, is forever, we would make so much more of our moments. We would take more risks, climb more mountains, swim in deeper waters. We would not waste time, we would love more, hate less and savour everything good in our lives. We'd stop complaining about the small stuff, we'd not have arguments about the little things and we would connect to nature in an entirely different way.
I am learning to let go of the things that make me sad, and to enjoy the things that make me smile. It's not easy and its a learning process. I am getting there and its easy to slip back.
I wonder sometimes if the me of yesterday, the me of 10, 20, 30, 40 years and more ago, is still back there somewhere in time. Is it really gone, is my young self now still and inanimate in a dark place? perhaps every moment continues to happen, over and over again. Its just that they are more like cartoons...they have no real life in them. We make them come to life.
I wrote a story about all of this a few years ago...I guess its a science fiction. But then rockets going to the moon were science fiction once.
Well we are in a New Year and perhaps the old one is continuing somewhere in time. But, I am here in this moment, trying to make sense of it and trying not to rip through into the next moment, but rather let it just let it open up to me.
Love Jen
Nov 2, 2010
Two Wolves
I love this story - no-one seems to know where it originated from; only that its been around for a long time and is part of the Cherokee folk lore
Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.
“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
—Author unknown
Love Jen
No Blog Time?
Life happens. Plans go awry, emergencies arise and a day can get lost in the sea of time.
My past two weeks have been on hold. Week 1, my son was rushed to hospital with appendicitis. 48 hours after his appendectomy he was sent home. It should have been after 24 hours but they decided to keep him in one more day. He and his girlfriend + their dog came to stay with me for the week. I have a cat so there is a lot of work involved in keeping the dog and cat separate.
After they left, I decided to catch up on all those things we SHOULD have done but fate had other plans for us all. My son was rushed back to hospital this week with a kidney stone. He was in such pain he had morphine. Bless him he did not complain as much as I would have...but I could see my boy was in bad pain.
He and Girlfriend once again came here...and the dog...so chaos reigns and the internet has been neglected.
My past two weeks have been on hold. Week 1, my son was rushed to hospital with appendicitis. 48 hours after his appendectomy he was sent home. It should have been after 24 hours but they decided to keep him in one more day. He and his girlfriend + their dog came to stay with me for the week. I have a cat so there is a lot of work involved in keeping the dog and cat separate.
After they left, I decided to catch up on all those things we SHOULD have done but fate had other plans for us all. My son was rushed back to hospital this week with a kidney stone. He was in such pain he had morphine. Bless him he did not complain as much as I would have...but I could see my boy was in bad pain.
He and Girlfriend once again came here...and the dog...so chaos reigns and the internet has been neglected.
Love Jen
Oct 8, 2010
Story Time
So I joined a creative writing group. Its fun and allows contact with other writers. Writing is a lonely occupation. One only has one's characters to talk to ha ha!
So we are working out how to proceed. One thing we will be doing is to be given a plot and then write for 15 minutes and read out a short story. Can you imagine all the crossing out and the mess of it without edits and time to play with it?
Anyway, at the last meeting we were given this criteria as homework:
Creative writing group:
Male name: Peter
Female name: Mary
Setting: Café
Time of year: Winter
Time of day:3PM
Time of day:
Weather: Raining:
Words: 300
I took a shot at it and here it is...so hard to fit all that into 300 words:
The First Meeting
Peter felt nervous about today. Everything was about to change and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it. What if, he thought, I’m a disappointment? Or, what if I’m the one left feeling disappointed? After all, he’d only seen a very old picture of Mary and apart from the letters; he had no idea what she was really like.
He was glad he’d purchased that Sat Nav. He didn’t like driving at the best of times, let alone all the way to Hastings
He arrived in Hasting around 2.30pm . He and Mary had arranged to meet at 3pm in the Café des Arts. Mary had picked the location. She had mentioned in her letters that she’s an artist and that she frequents this quaint, little, bohemian café regularly. She thought she would feel less nervous if they met somewhere familiar to her.
After parking the car, Peter decided to walk for a while before the meeting. He was getting on a bit and his legs stiffened up after long drives. He was nervously looking around the tables in the Café, when from behind, someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was her, it was Mary. Instinctively they hugged, both of them crying unashamedly, there in front of everyone. Ever since that first letter from Mary he’d worried but now Peter knew it would be okay. Here, in Hastings
279
Jen S copyrights 2010
Jen S copyrights 2010
Do you find the world confusing at times?
Things are constantly changing and moving. Sometimes I am not sure where I begin or end. Life is always a puzzle, the next moment a mystery. Nothing is certain for any of us. Some of us are able to live in the moment. I feel like a star sometimes, one that still twinkles even though it imploded long ago. Other times I am filled with hope of something...at those times I feel as though my life is breathing again. I have wings once more and can fly.
I am not sure what my next step in life is or should be. Where am I going and what choices, if any lay ahead.
Oct 4, 2010
Oct 1, 2010
The Road to Self
Its taken a lot of pain and heart searching to understand that life will not come and rescue me.
Intellectually, I have understood the concept that life is what you make of it. But...on an experiential level I have not really grasped that idea. I have put all my hopes and dreams out there, hoping that hope itself would bring contentment to me.
I now know that what I seek is more spiritual (not religious). My quest is to connect more with nature, life, and with myself. I have been far too busy looking outside. Time for me to turn inwards.
"Physis (or Phusis) is an ancient Greek word very rich in meaning. It is used to refer to life energy as it manifests in nature, in growth and healing as well as in all dimensions of creativity. Physician or physic (as in medicine) and Physics (as in Quantum and Chaos understandings of the world) are both derived from it.
Intellectually, I have understood the concept that life is what you make of it. But...on an experiential level I have not really grasped that idea. I have put all my hopes and dreams out there, hoping that hope itself would bring contentment to me.
I now know that what I seek is more spiritual (not religious). My quest is to connect more with nature, life, and with myself. I have been far too busy looking outside. Time for me to turn inwards.
"Physis (or Phusis) is an ancient Greek word very rich in meaning. It is used to refer to life energy as it manifests in nature, in growth and healing as well as in all dimensions of creativity. Physician or physic (as in medicine) and Physics (as in Quantum and Chaos understandings of the world) are both derived from it.
It is used as a concept to concentrate some of the most significant qualities and aspirations of Prof. Clarkson’s work - in honour of everlasting change, unlearning as well as learning, living as well as dying well, bodysoul, the cycle as potent paradigm for human evolutionary processes, the individual and society, relationship and archetype, the importance of nature as teacher and inspiration, the drive towards complexity, quality and wholeness, the co-existence of contradictions. Whether in individuals, children, couples, groups, organisations or artistic work, the central and organising theme is simply to have life and to have it more abundantly.
In contemporary terms we experience ourselves as a global virtual community of enquiry and physis is another name for the complexity concept of auto-poiesis".
“Autopoiesis sees self-generated, self-constituting domains of activity and discourse, (explanatory domains) that are autonomous and incommensurable, each constructing its own self-referential differences and distinctions”.
I have taken this from "In Memory of Physis'" which is actually in memory of Prof Petruska Clarkson whom I had the pleasure of meeting and discussing "bystander" subjects as well as being invited to her colourful and wonderful home.
Love Jen
Aug 30, 2010
Short Stories
I love to write short stories. Had a few published in anthologies and won a couple of money prizes. For about 3 years now, I have just closed down and not bothered. Writers block brought about by stress.
Lately though Iv been thinking I might start writing again. I hope to find some other writers blogs to follow and be in touch with. So if any writers pass by, follow me so I can catch up with you.
Id love to set a challenge, or be part of one set by someone else. Challenge makes good practice. So if your passing through - drop a short story of no more that 100 words onto my blog via this entry.
Lately though Iv been thinking I might start writing again. I hope to find some other writers blogs to follow and be in touch with. So if any writers pass by, follow me so I can catch up with you.
Id love to set a challenge, or be part of one set by someone else. Challenge makes good practice. So if your passing through - drop a short story of no more that 100 words onto my blog via this entry.
Love Jen
Aug 26, 2010
None of it Matters in the or at the End
The reheadriter asked
I was thinking about your post yesterday and the quote "yet none of this matters at the end"
How can we really get that message to soak in? I guess the answer is that we just keep on trying to get it right. Thanks again for your post.
How can we really get that message to soak in? I guess the answer is that we just keep on trying to get it right. Thanks again for your post.
I wanted to come up with a breath taking answer but, I have to admit I don’t know. Perhaps constant mantra’s or affirmations until the mind has been brainwashed into living in and enjoying the moment. Many swear that to get to that mindset, one can use meditation. I am just beginning that journey which is not at all easy.
I want and hope to find some peace with who I am, where I have been and where I am going. I need to be aware of, but not afraid by the fact that I will indeed end and the moment is all I have. I want to be able to hold each moment as precious and live in it without pressure from the next moment. I want to smile more and be happy to have the moment and not be afraid of losing it. For me, its all about fear of losing precious moments and in the process, ironically spoiling them.
Love Jen
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